I should have left you

When I told you about my sexual abuse and your first question was if I would use that story to impress people.

I should have left you

When 2 years later you told me, that I should finally get over it.

I should have left you

When you were mad at me for taking out my cornrows before you had the chance to fuck me while I was wearing them.

I should have left you

When you insulted my friend in my house.

I should have left you

When you brought me flowers to the hospital, proudly telling me that these were 3 days old, so you would only have to pay 50 cents for them.

I should have left you

When you believed in your alcohol addicted friend more than me, while he lied about having an affair with my best friend

I should have left you

When in bed you were never able to care about what I liked and solely focused on your own lust

I should have left you

When you were so drunk, you couldn´t walk straight but still tried over and over again to have sex with me

I should have left you

When you told a “funny” story about how a friend raped a prostitute up the arse although she begged him not to do and he was to wasted to care. You laughed.

I should have left you

When you punched a hole in the door because your weed dealer was not available for 3 days and you had nothing to smoke.

I should have left you

When I noticed how often you had to brag and celebrate yourself because in reality you wasted your life and had nothing.

I should have left you

When it dawned to me, that all you were looking for, was a woman that would take care of you like a mother, fuckable in addition.

I should have left you

When you told me “All women are shit, but you are different. You are the only woman I can respect”

I should have left you

When you were mad, as you realized, I would not be taking care of the household like you expect women to. Like your mother does.

I should have left you

When you were not able to get a job for years, while living off my money. You had the nerve to bash me though, for buying cosmetics while money was short.

I should have left you

But don´t worry, you were not a waste of time. You were the biggest and most important lesson life has taught me so far. You were right when you said, that I would never again have a relationship like we had. You were right when you said, that you messed me up for all other men. You were right. I can see clearly now. You made me stronger, smarter, more aware of myself and I thank you for that.

The only thing I regret: I should have made you compensate me for tolerating you.